Well, this is a wordle for the novel I'm writing for National Novel Writing Month. Between that and my full-time job, there's been quite a bit of internet silence. For that I'm sorry. Promise, I'm returning soon!

Some Honesty....

I knew that starting my career as a teacher would be difficult. I knew that there would be days that I would come home and it would all seem too impossible to think of. It's the weekend after the first week of school and I am already overwhelmed. The amount of information that has been thrown my way in the past two weeks as a culmination of professional development, school climate expectation changes, new/revised policies, and new curriculum is enough to bring even the most diligent, patient, and flexible person to their knees.
And yet, after a relaxing day yesterday, which apparently I needed more than I needed to finish seating charts, lesson plans, and the like, I feel almost sane again. Granted, it means cramming a lot more work into my Sunday than I would prefer, but if it means the difference between regaining my sanity for a few quiet moments, then it's a sacrifice I'm willing to take.
Even now, I am currently sifting through the anthology that my department requires me to use as a resource. It is a tag team effort between me and another new teacher, which is a saving grace, let me tell you. Any new teacher will tell you, that the first year is rough. I feel lucky to have such a supportive and collaborative department where I work. With five new teachers this year in my department, there is definitely some camaraderie and collective panic, which I think makes us feel slightly more at ease ('cause we aren't alone).
Despite the constant anxiety, I know it will be okay in the end. Today, the anthology that was daunting (understatement) to begin with, is really just a book. The endless to-do list seems more manageable. Here are the two discoveries I have made this morning:

1. I am still breathing, so I can get through this.
2. I have amazing people surrounding me on every front.

As long as I have those, everything else will work itself out (not without effort on my part, but still).

Also, this quote has inspired me today:

"It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul."

-From 'Invictus' by William Henley

Nelson Mendela was once inspired by this poem as he rotted in prison for nearly 30 years before becoming the president of South Africa. I know that my life is much more privileged and that I have never been imprisoned by anything but my own shortcomings, but I can relate to this today. 

 

Successful Post-Injury Interval Training!

Today, I finally pulled the laces of my running sneakers back into secure knots and made the plunge back into the routine. It was a little frustrating having to start back at the beginning of my 5K interval training, but I feel great having done it. I'm going to take it a little slower than last time, probably because of my paranoia over my knee popping again and being in pain for another two weeks (don't worry, doctors were consulted). With my lucky (stable) knee brace, I ran today. That feels good. 

I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that a few short weeks ago, I was up to 5mph on the treadmill during my running intervals and today I did a mere 4, feeling out my healed injury and keeping my breathing in check (a trick I've picked up from yoga). I tell you, the running intervals go so much faster when you've got your music blaring in the background and an internal voice going "nose in, mouth out" the whole time. Granted, they may seem faster too, because the last time my intervals were much longer before my injury. Oh well, it feels good to be active again. Maybe if I was more adventurous (or less afraid of heat exhaustion) I would run outside in the warm weather, but I think I'll wait until I'm back in the swing of things to toe that line. 

Anyways, small mole hill surmounted today. Now time to shower the sweat away. 

P.S. I hate the unsteady feeling of getting off the treadmill when you've just completed a run. It makes me feel like I should have just finished a fishing trip or something. Oh well. Toodles!

Married? Ha. That's a good one.

No, I'm not talking bitter resentment for being single. In fact, I am quite attached to my independence. No, I'm talking the awkward moment when your sitting at a picnic with mostly people you are distantly related to you through marriage and one of them walks up to you as you're eating your memorial day cake and asks, "are you married?"

[pause, look at parents sitting across the picnic table] "...No."

"Will you get married some day?"

"Maybe. I haven't been able to see that far into the future yet."

[uneasy laughter.]

Oh, now I understand why people don't take me places. My sarcasm can get a bit overboard at times. I think my callous humor may have been caused by the fact that progress on finishing both my slice of cake and the chapter I was reading was unexpectedly interrupted. I meant no offense and certainly hope I didn't cause any, but anyone who knows an avid reader and food lover such as myself (or really, just knows me), knows that if you interrupt me while I'm reading or eating cake, you do so at your own risk.

And I wonder why people say I'm going to be a cat lady when I grow up... [sigh.]

Newsworthy

First and foremost (even though this is now old news), I need to address how monumentally proud I am to have voted for President Barack Obama in the last presidential election. While I have not agreed with everything he and the government have done during his tenure, his public support of loving relationships, whether they be between a man and woman, two women, or two men, was truly a momentous occasion. I was raised to love and cherish all people, even when it's difficult, but I know not everyone shares my views on the subject. Affirming that same-sex marriages should be legal was a big risk for him as a politician and candidate for re-election as president. As long as it is a true measure of how he feels towards the issue, I applaud him. You can hear his statement on NPR.
As a Connecticut resident and prospective teacher, what concerns me in politics is this Education bill that Governor Malloy just passed. The bill is daunting at best, and filled with lawyer speak that this humble English major definitely struggles with. I am still attempting to sift through the information I can gather about this particular piece of legislation that will affect my career in the future. If anyone has thoughts about this, please comment, because honestly my head is still spinning and I don't think I can intelligently comment on this until I can ground myself again.

The Job Search is on....

Picture Taken from PhotoBucket

Well, the job search is officially on. While I had made some preparations and headway in the job search department, my search was certainly not official until after graduation this past weekend. For all those unemployed graduates out there, I feel your pain. It's a messy world out there and I am not limiting my options with regards to finding a job. This week I am continuing to fill out job applications for teaching positions in Connecticut. Here is what I have discovered so far:

1. Applications to work in Education are excruciatingly lengthy. Also, importing information from previous applications (due to a common system used by school districts) really only saves you a minimal amount of time. You still have to re-type a bunch of things that don't copy over.

2. Job hunting should always be accompanied by appropriately proportioned caffeinated drinks. My appropriate proportion is 1 cup of coffee per 4 hours of job hunting. Personally, I try to limit my caffeine intake, because I already have sleeping problems and really don't want to tempt fate. I'm also a pretty bubbly and energetic person to begin with, but that doesn't mean I don't need the caffeine boost when doing extremely mundane tasks.

3. Job hunting loves company. As I sit here with one of my dear friends, Beth, it becomes increasingly apparent that company is a necessity, and much less distracting than television (ironic, isn't it?). Of course, it helps that both of us are very motivated by the fact that the other looks productive. The power of illusion is strong here. ;-)

4. If at first you don't succeed, save the draft for later. At least, if this is an option. Most of the job applications for teaching jobs in Connecticut are online and use a common internet-based application form that allows you to import information from other applications if the domains are the same (meaning identical). Due to the lengthy nature of these applications, sometimes you just need a break. However, it is important not to leave them too long, or someone else may snag the job first!

5. Out of sight, out of mind. Yes, I'm talking of Facebook. While ordinarily the social networking site is useful for social interaction and stalking your friends' status updates while you pretend to be working on your resume, I find that if I hide the window, I won't look at it between "quick breaks" that I give myself to goof off every hour or so (determined by task completion).

Now, I have spent the past two hours working on short answer responses and updating my resume for job applications and decided to blog during this hour's "quick break." In truth, I have begun to love blogging, even though my topics can seem kind of random. It is a productive yet liberating way to take a break from the humdrum of applications, resumes, cover letters and LinkedIn. In fact, I want to make my blog a little more discussion-based. So, here is my question to all of you following me (and those who might start after this post):

What do you imagine when you think of your dream job? 

Please post comments about your dream job and I promise to respond to everyone! I really want to know what people think is the "dream job." After all, Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream. Why can't we? 

Organizing Life.

Not that organizing your entire life is even remotely possible, as we are all in a perpetual state of chaos in at least one sense, but the past few days I have spent organizing the mountains of PDF files, word docs, and loose papers associated with my Graduate career. This has also caused me to stumble upon some things I have not looked at for years, including this poem I wrote in the 12th grade:

Unrequited, yet Unconditional Love

By Megan Lacey

So fuzzy, warm

A free-thinking soul

Trapped inside a body with brown and black

stitching

No dollies for this girl

She's quite content with her

imaginary friend.

"Annabelle takes baths in the washing machine,"

mommy explains

As she tosses sweet, brown Annabelle into the

big "hairdryer" with

Bankie.

Pitter Patters are heard

on the living room floor when

the buzzer sounds.

A little girl reunited with

the loves of her life.

Sometimes I think of how simple things were for me back then. It was a simplicity I did not appreciate until now. In some ways, I knew myself much more completely back then, even though I had the same doubt of my own instincts that I do now. Back then, it was easy to write poetry from the perspective of my elementary school self. In many ways I was uncorrupted by the weights and toils of the world. I suppose in some ways I will never lose the playfulness completely, but much of it has slipped from my grasp. Back then, I was not afraid to feel openly. I was not afraid to let people in. 

Anyways, enough of that. I've posted a story that I wrote in college entitled "The Meadow" under my Pages if you would like to take a look, post comments on what you think, etc. I have to complete more job applications. :) Adios! 

Wayward Passions

This week, as Graduate School has come to an end, I have reflected a great deal on those things I had to give up in order to complete my program. While most things were definitely things I can live without, the two things I missed the most were trying new recipes and writing. These are my two passions outside of teaching and I have truly been incomplete without their consistent presence in my life.
It has been a great learning experience, being in Grad School this past year. For one, I learned who my true friends are. For everyone who continued to stand by me, even when I couldn't give them a lot of my time and energy, thank you. You are a true friend and I will never forget the support and encouragement you gave me over the past year. It made the past year so much more meaningful with you guys there by my side. I would like to especially thank my Group 1 TCPCG cohort. You guys knew exactly what I was going through and were always there with a beer or some advice when I needed it. I know you will all make fantastic teachers, and I can only hope to have the honor of working alongside some of you in the future, or at the very least meeting for a beer at McLadden's every once in awhile.
As summer creeps closer, I often hear a memory in the back of my mind of my grandfather singing, "In the good old summertime..." This week was very emotional for me because of the absence of my grandfather's presence on this momentous occasion. I realize now why I did not want to attend graduation, or make a big deal about my accomplishments this year. My grandfather is no longer here to share it. He used to call me his "scholar" and constantly embarrassed me (in a good way) with his overabundant pride. In a way, the degree that will eventually decorate my wall means less to me without him here. Not for the first time, I feel an emptiness in my heart as I miss his laugh, his singing, and his animate hands as he told a story. I miss you, Grandpa. All the work I have put in the past year I now dedicate to you. I could not have done it without you. I will always love you.

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)"

-e.e. cummings

The Greatest Man, Robert D. Hahn.