Well, it's on to the next challenge: a combination of public speaking and advocating for myself more.
This challenge is twofold, partially because I have neglected my blog a little bit lately, and partially because they emerged authentically. We shall start with the public speaking aspect.
Public Speaking:
This past week, I had to present the findings of my inquiry project as part of my Master's Degree in Curriculum & Instruction. To do this, I had to participate in a Poster Presentation with the director of my program, professors, one administrator, and my fellow program colleagues. While I was a little nervous talking to the director about my project, due to a psychological fear of figures with authority, I spoke confidently and clearly, answering all his questions about my findings and what I would be presenting to my school later on. Below is a photo one of my friends took after the presentation was over of me and my tri-fold.
See my lovely pie charts! Anyways, I know that speaking "publicly" will be an integrated part of my teaching career, especially since I think I want to train teachers eventually, whether it is in professional development seminars, or in university classes. I am beginning to be much more comfortable with that aspect of my career, which is nice because in my speech class in high school, I was absolutely petrified of making speeches. However, I think now that I know my style better, I am coming into my own as a presenter. I have a very laid back presentation style. I tend to circulate the room and try to interact with my audience as I present.
Self-Advocacy:
This is actually the scarier of the tow because it deals more with my personal life. I have recently begun to weed the negativity out of my life. With this has come the ending of one or two friendships. However, I have found that I am overall much happier in the long run, because I am no longer bending to the needs of everyone around me. I am no longer complaining about the negativity of certain acquaintances that shall remain unnamed. In fact, I am smiling and laughing more than ever (which is saying something, because I laugh a great deal).
In any case, last night was a test of sorts when it comes to my self-advocacy. I was grabbing a few drinks with some friends at our local spot, when someone I dated (and consequently endured a great deal of drama with, a part of which I admit was my own doing) came to play pool with one of his friends. One of my friends gestures toward this ex and says, "see what you're missing" in a very sarcastic voice and we both laugh. I reply, "You mean not missing, because I have dated much better people since."(Side note: It's been about a year since we ended our dating relationship). Not that I feel the need to defend myself for such a remark, but we tried the friends thing and it was just an epic fail that turned into a lot of talk on his side, and a lot of mistrust on my side.
Anyways, back to the point of the story. When his friend leaves, and my group is down to myself and two other friends, he comes over and sits down, inserting himself into the conversation (by the way, I found this extremely rude). We continue to talk, until we are all ready to go. I am putting on my jacket and getting up with my slightly gimpy leg when he turns to me and asks, "Can we talk?" Without hesitation, I said flatly, "No." and walked away.
See, this is a bit of an iconic moment for me, due to the fact that I am a big believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt and that everyone receives second chances. However, I have been down that road with him many times before, and have grown a lot since. Talk is cheap, especially coming from certain people. A year ago, I would have listened to what he said, tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, and it probably would have turned into a lot of drama because I have a hard time trusting people who have messed with my head in the past (big surprise!).
What surprised me about this time was that my "no" was so automatic, not second-guessed, and not regretted later when another friend asked if I wondered what he would have said. That reaction was again a non-hesitant no. Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot say that I am a new woman, but I am definitely a work in progress. Now, if only my knee would get better so I can start my running routine again, I would be progressing even more.
